UPDATE: AITAH for taking my wife's side over my daughter's?

It's been a week or so since I, (50M) posted about my daughter (17F) being unable to go to the party because her mom banned her. It's gotten worse, and I'm not sure what to do; since her refusal, my daughter has become even more quiet and unresponsive, and she's entirely locked herself up in her bedroom and has been cooped up behind her locked door, only coming out whenever it is mealtime or needing to go to the bathroom.

Without my knowledge, I woke up to the door of our daughter's room gone missing. My wife apparently had removed it, saying she could only get her door back if she learned how to respect decisions and that she didn't earn her privacy. I was appalled, and while I thought it was frustrating for her to lock her door or hide everything from us, I did not think my wife would actually remove it. Our daughter simply just stared back at us looking defeated and heartbroken, without even crying. Since then, she and her brother, 13M, have mastered speaking Korean, from the alphabet to every term of the language known, so that neither I nor her mom could know what they were talking about. My relatives and friends are all disappointed in us and expect us to apologize. How do I address this issue without making a mess of things than they already are?