AITAH for not accepting my boyfriend’s kinks?

I (24F) have been dating a man who we’ll call R (24M) for 8 years. Last year I moved in with him because we’ve been thinking about getting married. We’ve also recently incorporated kink into our sex life and I thought we were sexually compatible until last week.

For context, I’m a black woman and R is a white man, who’s always been an advocate for feminism and BLM. That’s why I was so confused when he told me about his latest fantasy. He said he wanted to treat me like a slave and call me various racist and misogynistic slurs. When I got upset at him he said I was kink shaming him and he “can’t control his desires.”

I don’t want to break up with him because he seemed to be quite progressive and poc friendly up until this point. I feel like something else might’ve caused this rather than that ”just being what he’s into”. However, when I try to talk to him about it he says I’m a puritan who “can’t separate fantasy and reality”.

I don’t think there’s a difference between the two and I’m hurt that he’d fetishise my race like that. AITAH?