AITAH for not seeing my nieces because I’m gay?

Hi there, titles a little weird but need some insight on this situation.

My sister (34), Aly and her husband, John (36) have 2 daughters (16/6), my nieces, who I adore and love with all my heart.

When I was 25, I moved in with my sister and BIL while I attended college. It was short lived, about 9 months, as they decided they wanted to sell their house but while I was living there, things were great. I was able to help watch the girls while my sister and BIL worked, we would have movie nights, games, the whole works. I was the fun uncle. With my sister, we have always had a strong sibling bond, we had shit parents/family and supported each other through thick and thin. In fact, up until recent years, we had one fight that we both give each other shit about because it was the only time we’ve ever yelled at the other.

After I moved out, found my way in life and college, I came out of the closet at 27. I was actually threatened to be outed to my sister, and that’s how I came out, but, that’s a whole separate post. She was of course happy for me and wanted me to be my true-self. She, of course, told my BIL.

John and I actually used to be really close. Before I moved in with them, we would play video games nearly every night. We became bros and honestly, it felt like I did have a brother in my life. That changed when I came out. John had told me he was of course supportive and loved me all the same, but around that same time he started to bring up religion or going to church with my sister and nieces whenever I was with them. It was really odd, because after knowing John for so long, he hadn’t really ever brought up religion before. The most clear example I have was once my sister asked me if I was seeing any boys and John immediately started talking about Sunday School and how he and Aly are teaching it now. I am not a religious person, but I went to church camp as a kid, so there’s a place in my heart for what it can do; that’s to say, I didn’t care that John brought this up, if anything, it made me feel like my sexuality made him uncomfortable.

About a year and a half ago, Aly, John, and a few other friends went out to celebrate Aly’s birthday. At one point, it was just me and John at our table. John said to me “Hey, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something. It’s been… getting really tough to explain to the girls how they can still love you although you’re going to hell. It’s a lot emotionally for them.” And I froze. I didn’t even know what to say. I’m pretty sure I muttered “oh ok” and someone came back to the table.

It was a week later I was watching my youngest niece and she asked me what hell was like. It hurt so much and who knows, maybe it wasn’t John’s doing that made her ask, but ever since I couldn’t stop thinking about how every time I left their house, John’s sitting the girls down and explaining they can still love me, despite me burning in hell. So, I just emotionally withdrew. I love love love my nieces, but in my mind, it was easier for me to be around less so that John didn’t have to explain to them how to love me. I still call and FaceTime on birthdays and holidays with other family present, but my overall presence in their life greatly diminished.

Bringing us to today, I recently moved across the country to a larger city; been super happy with life here after living in tiny Midwest towns my whole life. My sister and I still text every once in awhile and she reached out to me recently to ask about attending Christmas back home. When I said I wasn’t planning on coming back for it, she blew up my phone saying I have been abandoning the girls and I’m just as shitty as the rest of our family for missing out on their lives/holidays. I replied “Sorry, don’t want John thinking I’m taking you and the girls to hell with me”. She asked what that meant and I explained what John had told me. Silence back.

My mom text me and asked what hell I did because I caused a huge fight with John and Aly. If anything, I feel I am an asshole for not being there for my nieces but I do not feel bad for letting Aly know what John said and how it made me feel. AITAH?

Edit: Thank you all for the comments, seriously from the bottom of my heart. For a long time I felt so much turmoil over this and I worried about if what I was doing, even if best for me was best for the girls. So, thank you again for your kind words and support.

Bonus story: amongst this same group of friends and my sister, John made the joke that I’m probably gay because I didn’t have a manly presence in my life like a father growing up. Aly didn’t defend me or even understand why I would be hurt by that “joke” at the time, so this also factored into emotions here. Also, I grew up on a cattle ranch/farm not really sure how to get any manlier than that…

Edit 2: (sorry the post keeps getting longer) When I made my first edit, there were quite a few comments and a little over a hundred upvotes. Went to bed and work, and now, seeing all the supportive comments is overwhelming, in a good way. Thank you thank you thank you. For all the support and advice, you guys have no idea how much it means.

I want to add some clarification, a common comment/question is why didn’t I talk to Aly about this when it happened? When I came out, I lost nearly all my friends. Didn’t have much family to lose, but they didn’t stick around either and the thought of essentially having to ask Aly to choose between John and me (and in my mind, me being gay) felt similar to all the other people I’d known in my life that chose their beliefs over me being me. Not being as present, while still communicating with the girls, was what I thought was the compromise of appeasing John while still being able to have a line of communication with them. I honestly don’t care what John thinks of me, I know I’m not going to hell, and if I am it’s not because I’m gay. Some other comments pointed out that Aly should have know if John was talking to the girls about this and it has crossed my mind several times that maybe she did know about it, but maybe not the extent of what John had said to me. As of tonight, it’s still been silence from Aly, never texted my mom back. I think I will reach out soon just to check in but, the quiet is almost worse.