My racist grandma won't stop talking about politics and guilting me.

My (30F) grandma (74F) is constantly overstepping the only two boundaries I have for her. I think they are reasonable boundaries but she says her mind is going and I should let her speak freely. My boundaries with her are: 1. We don't talk about politics. We voted differently and I have tried many times to engage in civil conversation but it always ends in a fight. I am drained and do not have the mental energy to get into it with her. 2. No racist remarks.

I would think that's a reasonable request as she has been reminded over and over again about where I stand. I have tried to have conversations with her to explain my feelings but she instantly does the guilt trip thing. Sometimes she denies the thing she just did. She will blame it on her age and her memory but she lives alone, drives a car, goes to work, and has been cleared for Dementia and Alzheimer's multiple times. Plus, I don't understand how it could be a memory thing when I tell her in the moment that my boundary is being crossed.

For example, in our most recent conversation we spent a good 45 minutes talking about life and general happenings then all of a sudden she starts talking about Mexicans. I say "I don't want to hear you talk about Mexicans like they aren't people" and she immediately goes off on a rant. I say "Please, can we not talk politics?" and it's met with "I guess I can't talk about anything with you".

So at this point I'm like Dafuq? and I say "We just spent almost an hour talking, the one thing I don't want to talk about is politics". She replies "I can't talk about politics, I can't talk about my family!" and I interupted with "I never said you couldn't talk about family, when did I say that?" She is completely convinced I said that when telling her I went no contact with my dad. I tell her that I said "I will never speak ill of your son as I know how you feel about him". She fired back with "well if you say that it means we can't talk about him". It literally does not mean that. I have even asked a few times if he is helping her at all and her response has been to ignore it or say "I don't want to talk about him".

So, for a little context, I went no contact with my dad (her son) for being physically and emotionally abusive. After a few years of me giving him chances to change and him not taking them, I gave up. I explained to my grandma when I went no contact with him that I did not want it effecting our relationship. It was my understanding that we were good. She said mine and his relationship would never effect mine and her relationship, and that was that.

My dad is not good to my grandma but she will defend him with her dying breath. That's the main reason I give her a free pass. (That's also why I don't talk about him with her.) She is quite literally alone in another state. None of my siblings talk to her, her only friends are her coworkers, and anytime you talk to her she's miserable. Her words, not mine. I just feel for her.

So after much back and forth, me trying to redirect the conversation 4 seperate times, and her pushing and pushing on politics, I just snapped. She claimed that the things she said 5 minutes prior in the phone call were not said. She said I was the one who started talking about politics. She said I'm trying to make her feel guilty for who she voted for. I explained that was not my intention and reminded her that I didn't even want to have the conversation in the first place. This is when she cried "I feel like you are censoring me and I am too old to remember what I can say and what I can't. I feel like I can't just be me".

All I could say was "I am trying SO hard to stay an active part of your life but you are making it so hard". She said "don't threaten me" to which I sighed and replied "It's not a threat, it is what will happen if you continue to cross my boundaries". I ended the call by asking if there was anything else she wanted to talk about or feelings to share. She just said "I love you" and I replied, "I love you too grammy, goodnight."

Now I'm sitting here trying to decide what to do. I was planning a trip to see her to help her get things in order before I move states away. I am not going. This has been the last 6/10 interactions we have had. It always ends in an argument because she needs to talk politics, then when she's gently reminded not to she just freaks out. I love her so much but I cannot handle the constent racist remarks and guilt-trips, and I definitely don't want to deal someone talking aggressivly about politics.

I'm just at a loss and I could use some advice. I do not want to go no contact because I am afraid that would kill her. However, almost every time we talk it's some form of guilt trip that she swears is not a guilt trip, and an argument. It's so hard to be one of the only people in her life that puts in effort, only for her to say things that make me feel like my efforts are worthless. I know she's lonely and I don't want to be the thing that breaks her. I'm just exhausted. Thanks for listening.

TLDR: My grandma keeps making racist remarks and interrogating me about politics. I am trying my best to be there for her but it's getting worse each time we talk.