I found out my daughter was looking at adult videos.

My (28f) daughter (9f) has her own phone. She’s had it since she was in the 2nd grade because I’m a single parent and I was working crazy hours and she was with different people. So I needed a way that I couldn’t get in contact with her and she could call me whenever she wants. I obviously have rules for what she can or can’t do on it. I approve all apps she wants to download, she can’t have any social media profiles and she can’t talk with people when she plays on Roblox.

Now to where I need advice. She leaves her phone in my car when she goes to school and gets it back when I pick her up. She’s aware that I go through her phone a couple times a week just to make sure there’s nothing on there that shouldn’t be. Until Friday I’ve never found anything that’s concerning.

Friday I dropped her off and when I got home I I checked her phone and everything was fine until I checked her tabs that where on safari. She doesn’t know how to exit out of the tabs she’s has open. The first couple were her normal YouTube videos and then there were about 8 different porn videos up. As soon as I saw that I closed all of it and changed the settings on her phone to only allow the websites I approve of.

When I picked her up from school I told her I went through her phone and asked her if there was anything she wanted to tell me. She was honest about everything. I told her her phone was being taken away for the weekend and that starting Monday she was only allowed her phone for an hour a day and that I would be keeping it in my room before and after that hour was up. We also had a talk about why it’s not an appropriate thing for her to look at and that I totally understand being curious about it. I told her that I wasn’t mad and that any questions she has she can ask me and if she doesn’t feeling comfortable asking me she can call my sister and talk to her. I think it was a great conversation and she even said that it was a good thing for her not to have her phone because in her words she was to “addicted to it”

I told my best friend what happened and told her what my decision was about taking her phone. My friend says I’m being to soft on her and I should download an app to monitor everything on my daughters phone. I feel like that’s to much and that even thought my daughter is a child she still deserves some level of privacy.

I need advice on if I am being to soft. Should I download the app to see everything on her phone? I’m kind of winging this whole parenting thing and don’t really have many people to ask for parenting advice.

Edit/more information So I feel like some more information about my daughter is needed to understand why I chose to handle the situation like I did. 1. My daughter had to be tested in 1st grade for dyslexia and adhd. Turns out she has both not a surprise since I have them both. But what was surprise was that she’s gifted on all other test she scored in the 99.6th percentile. Her thought processing is more advanced for someone her age so I talk with her like that. 2. In 2019 when I got her her first phone she went through some things that no child should ever have to go through. She saw me almost get killed. We also had to leave our home in a rush for safety reasons because of that. My ex who put us all through that would freak out on her for the smallest things she did wrong. She would shut down and also lie so she wouldn’t get in trouble. This was a safety mechanism for her and we have worked really really hard for her to trust me and my sister and realize she is not in danger anymore. She was completely honest about what she did and what she looked at. She didn’t shut down and we had a conversation. This was unbelievable growth for her. So that’s why her punishment (if I can even call it that) was lighter than what some people seem to think is right. 3. She is in therapy and she loves her therapist 4. Yes she has an iPhone. No this was not her first phone. I got the iPhone for free and it was a present for her for the growth and amazing healing she has been doing.