AITA for calling my wife out on giving "joint" birthday present without me there?
Son's birthday today. He's 5 years old. I wasnt there this morning as stay away from home some nights due to work. Even if had slept at home would have left for work before the kids woke.
We have a party planned on Saturday, and will be there at dinner time tonight.
I realised that my wife gave my son a present this morning. She said it was from 'us". Apparently she does this every year. I was hurt, and told her so. I thought it was selfish that she couldn't wait to share his excitement.
Her excuse is that it is unfair on him to make him wait. find that ridiculous, and believe he absolutely could wait.
I said the only reason to give it early is the selfishness of wanting to experience his joy alone without sharing it. AITA?
Edit(s): This blew up quicker than I expected (I couldn't get online for the last hour). And overwhelmingly with YTA responses, many with some unfair assumptions so I want to add some context in my defence although I think it wont change the general outcome.
Today is his birthday, although we have other special plans. Next week I'm taking 3 days off work, two of which are for a family trip and the third is a special day for my son. I couldn't get today off work though, and Saturday is his proper party, which I obviously will be there. I have a 1.5 hour commute each way (hence why I don't normally see him in the morning before he gets up for school), but I normally read the bedtime story when I'm home and I video call EVERY evening that I'm not home. I'm not an absentee father, and I'm not just a sperm donor.
My wife has bought most of the presents but not all of them. We tend to put things in gift bags not wrap them. Last year it was me that bought the main present, this year there wasn't a main present, it was mostly a few smaller ones because the family trips mentioned in (1) are really his main present. I don't expect her to do all the gift shopping and give all the ideas, I do a share of it. She does have more free time than me, and does more of the childcare than me. That's a problem of our (shared) lifechoices and not something that we can easily change. My long commute is primarily due to decisions on her part.
Yes, she said she does this every year, but first and second birthday are not quite the same level of concious response, and 3rd and 4th I am not sure what she gave him in the morning. As I mentioned, last year I got the 'main' present, and that was given in the evening I am definitely jealous if she is giving him presents. I definitely want to be part of the enjoyment of his birthday.
I was hurt and didn't understand why he had to receive the present when I wasn't there. Yep he's 5 years old, and every family is different. I don't remember receiving presents until the whole family was there in the evening. I thought that was normal, and assumed my wife had the same thoughts. We hadn't discussed it, and I was upset for missing out. I think if I knew, then I wouldn't have reacted that way, but it was a shock and I was upset. I still am jealous and have some feelings to work through. I don't like my work situation and commute, but I really don't see a way to resolve it (without significant financial risk that I'm not willing to take in this climate) so will have to suck up my disappointment. I called my wife selfish for getting the joy, alone without discussing it first, or without giving me the chance to join on video call. I guess I need to take the YTA verdict.
Edit(again): Too many comments to respond to, and can't respond for at least a few hours so that I can spend time with my son on his birthday!