My older cousin is relapsing and it’s triggering me

Do any of you have relatives with an ED as well?

I have a cousin who I’ve always been good friends and close with, she’s in her early 20s and I’m a teenager. I’ve always known she had an ED when she was in high school and was diagnosed, because like I said we’re close, and the topic gets brought up sometimes. We struggle with the same issues like body image and I’ve been able to relate with her and talk about it, although no one knows about my “eating habits” and struggles with food cuz obviously I’m not gonna tell anyone and I’ve never been diagnosed. But recently, she’s been going through a rough patch and relapsing. She’s always been skinny, and now that she’s relapsed it’s pretty obvious what’s going on. My mom and sister see recent pictures of her and talk about how concerned they are, and how bad she looks. As for me though, I feel like a huge fat fuck. Looking at her now, makes me feel like I need to starve more. And I know that’s it’s fucked up, and I can’t even hang around her anymore just because I’ll get triggered and envy the way she looks. It’s just so fucked up bc my family is worried about her and all I can think is “wow I need to be like that”. It’s one thing to look at thinspo of strangers on the internet, or feel bigger around your friends. But when it’s someone you’ve known you’re whole life, when it’s one of your best friends, your family, it’s next level triggering. I think I’m not as sick as her, and I need to be. Its gotten to the point where I feel like I’m going crazy, like I need to lose more weight I need advice