the thought of dying calms my anxiety

You ever feel so much anxiety about the possibility of loved ones dying, being cheated on, failing in your career path, or of being disappointed in any other way, that you cope by romanticizing your own death, where you imagine how it would feel to not be able to feel or think anymore? And where your nervousness and unease can no longer control you?

It's almost like my anxiety disappears when I allow myself to romanticize about the thought of me dying from accidents or natural disasters, because in death I won't have to feel scared constantly anymore.

It's a comforting, yet dark feeling and it's the best way I am able to suppress my constant anxiety and fears, which consume my thoughts every second and every minute of every day