All of the suffering is just inside of my head.

Everyday is living hell, but like, nothing bad is actually happening? I don't know. Like objectively speaking my life is decent. Its like Im still stuck in those shitty experiences of the past. I'm so so paranoid. So scared. Always vigilant. Being alone hurts so much, but it feels safer this way. It sucks because usually people seem to like me, they find me smart and funny, they think that my ideas are interesting, and yet I still push all of them away, because of the shit inside of my head. I feel cursed, haunted. Nobody understands what this is like