My testimony

Hello everyone. Today I come here to share an experience that happened with me, a little less than a year ago. I don't know how to feel about it right now, so I hope I can understand it better with time.

For context, I'm an 18M, raised Catholic. When I was 13, I found out I was gay. But I only really *accepted* and stopped denying my condition at 17. That brought me lots of suffering and problems regarding reconciling my faith and my orientation.
Last July, I went to a youth camp. It was from a prayer group, associated with the CCR (Charismatic). They put us all in the middle of nowhere, without access to phones or the outside world in general. Lots of games and prayer. And while I certaintly found it cool, the sermons were pretty harsh. There was a very strong moral focus, and they strongly condemned things like masturbation and fornication. But what really got me were the condemnations of homosexuality. At that time, I wasn't doing very well. And that made me much worse. There were moments when I felt like I was in the middle of some cult, being brainwashed, where they left me vulnerable to manipulate me better. At one performance, gay people were compared to pedophiles, and that made me sick. My faith was shaken a lot, and I couldn't even enjoy the camp anymore.

On the last day, there was mass, as usual on other days. However, later, there was a moment called "the outpouring of the Holy Spirit". We were placed in lines, and several consecrated people from the community came to pray over us in tongues. At the same time, praise songs were playing, and a man spoke into the microphone. That particular morning, I was feeling really bad, and I spent the whole time praying to God that He would give me answers. When the first person came to pray over me, I dropped to my knees. When she left, I felt like I wasn't enough. I needed more, I needed answers. The guy with the microphone said that anyone who wanted more prayers could raise their hand, and I raised mine, as high as I could. The second person was an acquaintance of mine, who I really like. I knew her voice, and I held on tight to her. I cried a lot. When she finished, and I stood up, I felt something in my chest, a tingling. I will never forget that. The tingling started to increase, and when I realized it, I felt my chest burn, really strong, I swear to God. Even with my eyes closed, I started to feel a light, as if a very bright flashlight was pointed right in my face. My knees lost their strength, and I fell to the floor, crying a lot. People started praying over me, and I could only cry, I couldn't move or open my eyes. And then, what I hoped for happened.

The guy who was on the microphone was talking about different situations; he talked about people who wanted to reach God's grace, others who were sunk in sin, others who used drugs, others who were raped... well, as soon as I stood up, soon after, I heard him say, more or less these words:

"To the young man who lives oppressed, a life of lies, to please others. God wants you free and happy."

I don't remember the exact words, but it was something between those lines. From then on, I could only cry. It seemed like the message was meant for me. At least, at the time, I felt that way. I spent the rest of the day happy, at peace. As if God really loves me the way I am, even though it goes against what was said to me at camp. Later, they told me what I experienced was called "being slain in the Holy Spirit", and I was pretty happy to have experienced that. But after I got home and woke up the next day, the guilt started to consume me. I developed severe OCD, and I'm still struggling with it. Almost a year later, and I still don't know if I should believe what I felt that day, or if I'm mistaken and it was just a coincidence. I've already lost nights of sleep, researching theology, looking for solutions, but I haven't made up my mind yet. It's a tough battle.

That was it. After that I turned my focus to school and to enter college. What do you guys think? Help would be very much appreciated. Thanks, and may God bless us all. Peace