Do true utilitarians exist?

The older I get, and the more life experience I accumulate, the less likely utilitarianism seems as anything other than an intellectual exercise.

I mean: You can be a utilitarian in the sense that you've read about it and been convinced about utilitarian principles, but I don't think you can't actually internalize it and actually be utilitarian through and through, both emotionally, intuitively, and intellectually.

To put it simply, honestly, and hyperbolically at the same time:
If I had to choose between the life of a loved one, and the lives of a whole nation or even continent, I'd pick the loved one.

All lives might be worth the same on an ideological level, but on a personal and emotional level: Nah.

Fortunately we don't have real life examples like the one above, but history, and even contemporary history, tells us that ideas such as universal human rights are fictions even to the countries who claim to hold to them, like most our "western countries". The US is an atrocious example of such hypocrisy. They have showed us this through decades, and in particular through the last year when they've actively funded a genocide in Gaza. And that wasn't even about the US caring for themselves, but rather displaying that they think lives of groups external to themselves are worth less than those of another group.