My mom died.

To provide some context, this woman has caused years of trauma in my life. Last year, I finally had enough and obtained an order of protection against her; we haven’t spoken since. I have been estranged from my family for over ten years because I chose to cut off contact with them. Recently, I learned that her lupus has progressed, and she passed away yesterday. A friend of the families friend informed me of this. I am a biology major, and it is finals week. I have an almost 9-month-old baby, and I’m feeling overwhelmed. Today, I had to identify her body during an "identity viewing" before she was cremated. She suffered a slow and painful death, which feels like a form of karma. I never wanted her to experience that pain. I’m broken; I can't focus on studying at all. Since saying my goodbyes this morning, I've been drinking wine. What does one do in this situation? I don't regret cutting her off, but now that she’s gone, the version of her that I always wished for—the one I held in my mind—has also died. I managed to convince my uncle to let me go through her things. Mentally, I am not processing anything. I'm lost, broken, feeling angry, sad, and frustrated. I don't know at this point.