I went to the bathroom talking to myself

I have a habit of talking to myself when I think I’m alone.
The other day, after 6 PM, I went to the company bathroom while working overtime, struggling to keep myself from pooping my pants all of a sudden. I walked in saying, "Oh damn, oh boy, it's coming out… no, it's not, I won't let it, it'll go where it needs to go..."

Then I heard loud phone notifications. My coworker from another department had been in the bathroom the whole time, in the stall next to mine, slacking off—and he heard me arguing with my poop.

The poop returned to sender, and I bailed, heading home while holding it in.