Pros and cons of my marriage.
I (30F) am married to my husband (31M) for 4 years. We dated for a couple of years before that. We live abroad.
Pros: 1. We do love each other. He really cares about me. He is my best friend. 2. I had non supportive, unloving parents and kind of a dysfunctional family. I have a lot of trauma because of that. He comes from a supportive and loving family and he has a positive outlook on everything. His love helps me heal one day at a time. 3. All my side relatives have started respecting me a lot after I got married. 4. I have the best in laws anyone could have.
Cons: 1. He gets angry too easily with me and yells. He does the same with his mom too. We are the only 2 people he does that with. Everything is my mistake and when I point out his mistake, he is extremely angry and just stops talking until I apologise. Really feels like abuse at this point.
We have 0 sexual compatibility. We have barely ever had sex. He finds me super hot but I don’t find him sexually attractive at all, even though he is conventionally attractive. He kind of uses my body to finish himself but never cares or asks about my pleasure. When I try to have a conversation about it, again we end up fighting.
Pretty much any conversation we have like adults ends in a fight. He is dominating and wants everything according to how he thinks it should be. When I suggested alternatives, he is pissed.
I want to stay abroad but he wants to move back to india in 2-3 years to live with his parents. I am not comfortable living under the same roof. He is not ok with anything else other than living in the same house. My in laws are really good people but I know that they can be manipulative. Just that they manipulate with love.
We both earn same amount of money. He coerces me into investing my money on what he wants. For example “we” bought a plot in india which is in his name but I am paying the emi along with him. I honestly did not want to be involved but after a lot of fights, i simply wanted the fights to stop and gave in.
We did date for few years before marriage. I was young and stupid, I had no idea what are red flags and I kept going forward instead of breaking up. I also had no idea what I wanted in life. Now I dont know what to do. I dont have any support system to rely on. I am scared of the social implications if I divorce. Or is it even worth divorcing? Please let me know what you think.