I regret marrying a much older man

I’ve been married to my husband for seven years now—he’s 20 years older than me. When we first met, he was my first partner, so I didn’t really know what to expect when it came to sex or relationships. But honestly, it’s been bad from the start. I’m 30 now, and I feel like I’ve never truly experienced real, fulfilling sex. We barely sleep together—maybe once every three months. He has low testosterone and erectile dysfunction, but he’s not that interested in treating it. On top of that, he doesn’t know how to give oral sex and, to be honest, he just sucks at intimacy in general.

Before we had our child, things were bad. He had a terrible temper, anger issues, and it was tough living with him. But after our child was born, he really did try to change. He’s been better, much kinder to me, and I can see that he’s trying to be a good husband and father. But despite all of that, I’m still unhappy. I feel stuck. He’s supporting me financially while I finish school, and with a child in the picture, leaving isn’t as simple as it sounds. I feel guilty because he has made an effort, but I’m just not satisfied in this marriage, emotionally or sexually.

And here’s the thing... I’ve started thinking about someone else. I met this guy at the gym—he’s my age, and we’ve been talking every day. At first, it was just as friends, but now, I can’t stop thinking about him. I feel like I’m falling in love with him. Every time I’m with my husband, I’m thinking about this other guy, even when we’re having sex. It’s like I’m imagining I’m with him instead.

I don’t want to cheat, and I haven’t crossed any lines. We haven’t talked about anything sexual at all; we just chat about normal things. But I find myself going to the gym most days just to see him, and I can’t help the feelings that are growing. I feel awful about it. But I’m so unhappy in my marriage, and it’s making me feel trapped. I don’t know what to do. I’m torn between my responsibilities as a wife and mother, and my need to feel something real, something that’s missing in my life.