Can't wrap my head around this !

So here the saga begins.

I had never dated anyone before I met this lady. I met her at the workplace where I was serving in a senior position, while she was a new recruit. Her energy made me fall for her, and I guess my energy made her develop a crush on me too. We started talking, and after countless hours of conversations and chats, I began developing feelings for her. She seemed to reciprocate those feelings.

We went out for meals, held hands, kissed passionately, and got physically intimate. However, I later discovered that she had a boyfriend who had been abroad for some years. Both of them were intending to get married eventually.

After learning this, the lady and I stopped talking, but eventually, we reconnected. She would send me letters expressing how deeply she felt for me. We'd start talking and meeting again, share affection, then distance ourselves, only to repeat the same cycle.

Whenever she's home, I feel insecure. I've never been this way before, but my insecurity keeps making me think she's out with her boyfriend's family members, as they're connected.

Now, we've stopped talking again, but deep down, I know that once we start communicating, the same saga is bound to repeat.