Peach update 12/3

First I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support for Peach. It means so much to me that you are rooting for her. I have told her all about you guys and your kind words.

My original post about Peach was removed by mods, otherwise I'd link it for those who want to read. On that original post, there was no GFM. On this post, there will also be no GFM. This post is for emotional support and to update those who care about Peach.

Today the internal med doc feels like they have done all that they can for her as an inpatient, and that it's time to start managing her care from home. The biggest obstacle to us bringing her home is that she is still refusing to eat. While this could be due to her being in the hospital and in an unfamiliar environment, I think it is due to her azotemia (her elevated Creatinine, BUN, etc.). The reason I think this, is because the ONE day she ate in the hospital (she snarfed her food) was the ONE day that her Creatinine had decreased to 2.9. Her Creatinine has since been hovering at 3.9/4.0 and doesn't appear to budging. I was hoping her hospital stay would get her azotemia under control, but it doesn't look like that's happening.

The doc is suggesting that we consider placing an esophagostomy (e-tube). It's basically a feeding tube placed in her esophagus under general anesthesia, where we can give her a liquid diet and her medications in that tube from home. I am not ready to do this to her. I think I want to take her home first and see if I can get her to eat before we consider an e-tube. This is the part where I feel wracked with guilt. Am I doing too much, or am I not doing enough? I am not ready to give up on Peach. The doc explained to me that e-tubes aren't traumatic to dogs in the same way they are for people. E-tubes help dogs get nutrition during times of illness and they are temporary. But still, the thought of tube feeding Peach is too much for me to bear right now. But the thought of my 3 yo dog starving is too much to bear. I don't know what to do. If anyone here has experience with e-tubes or feeding Poms with no appetite due to kidney disease, please share with me about your experience; why you made the decision you did, do you wish you did something different, and what happened. I know that ultimately the decision is mine to make.

After taking her home tomorrow, we will continue to follow up with her doctor in an outpatient setting, giving her her meds from home and keeping her happy and comfortable. But with her labs not improving and her continued lack of appetite, I can't help but feel like I am taking her home to die. The doc has said that there really is no way for us to know what will happen, and that although we should prepare ourselves, that there is still a chance she could pull through.

I have never cried so much in my life. I am not a religious person, but I feel so helpless and I have been praying every day. I feel that what happens to Peach is not in my hands. God, please have mercy on Peach. She's just a little girl. And I am just a girl.