Final Peach update 12/9

Peach passed away today. I am shattered and it still doesn’t feel real.

Yesterday she was pretty lethargic at home and she didn’t really want to engage with me at all. This is very unlike her, but I was hoping she was just tired. Then suddenly, Peach had a seizure-like episode with shaking, drooling, staring. After that, things went downhill fast. We brought her to the ER where we waited all night in the lobby while they evaluated her. Once we were finally able to see Peach, I could see that Peach was no longer there. She wasn’t very responsive to me, she was limp, and kept dry gagging. When the tech handed me Peach, she involuntarily voided her bowels. That’s when I knew for sure it was time. I couldn’t believe how quickly Peach went from being Peach to this. The day prior was a good day - she even ate on her own.

We took her home from the ER and cuddled with her for awhile, then went back to the ER around noon today to euthanize her. Truthfully, I didn’t think I had it in me to make this decision. But like what everyone here told me would happen - I knew it was time.

We sang a lullaby to her while she drifted away in my arms and went completely limp. I will never forget this moment for as long as I live. I wailed when they took her out of my arms. My sweet girl, gone forever. Way too soon.

It still doesn’t feel real that this happened. Just a few weeks ago, we were celebrating Peach’s 3rd birthday. She was healthy, or so we thought. Ultimately, they still don’t know the cause of her sudden progressive kidney disease (maybe congenital renal dysplasia, maybe protein losing nephropathy, maybe glomerulosclerosis) . They offered to do an autopsy, but we declined. We just want Peach to finally be at peace. No more poking or cutting. Seeing how many pokes there were on Peach’s arms today crushed me.

To say that I am devastated would be an understatement. I genuinely do not know where to go from here. I am staying at a hotel tonight because I genuinely cannot be in my apartment with all of Peach’s things. We did absolutely everything we could to save Peach. And euthanizing when we did was the right call - no doubts about that. But my baby is gone forever. She was only 3. We only had her for 2 Christmases. Just 2. I miss her so much. Her excitement and curiosity for life was palpable. She loved strangers and chasing birds/bunnies. She had so much personality. I’ve never met a dog with personality like Peach.

I have experienced loss before, but this feels different. My sweet, beautiful girl was taken from me way too soon. And now I have to live without her, watching the years go by knowing that she should still be here. I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin, or be sedated. I can’t handle this pain. It physically hurts.

Thank you for all the support from this sub. I genuinely appreciate those who have checked on me. I am completely heartbroken this is how it ended.

All the pictures included in this post are from her last full day on this earth. Her last sunset. Her last sunset and sunrise were a beatiful Peach color. Almost as beautiful as her.