Losing Control of My Emotions and Struggling to Cope

I'm an incredibly sensitive person, but right now, my emotions are at their peak, and I feel like I'm losing control. The pain is unbearable, and I find myself wishing for an "escape" anything to avoid feeling this way even if i have to off myself

My mind refuses to stay still or distracted; it's like my brain is working against me, determined to make my life unbearable. I've had such strong urges to hurt myself that I even ordered blades.. but then I canceled the order after opening up to my partner. Seeing how much it hurt him made me realize I couldn't go through with it.

Still, I feel like I'm spiraling. I cry constantly, and my brain seems intent on replaying every moment of pain I've ever experienced. It feels relentless, like I'm trapped in a loop I can't break free from, I'm scared i will lose the only relationship i have in my life because of this..