I hate the father of my half siblings.

This is a shortened version because I'm in tears.

I'm 15 years old, at age 9 I met the now father of my half siblings. Automatically didn't like him but my mom loved him. He got her pregnant and then my now 4 year old sister was born.

My mother and I were close before he entered out life, he came in and put my mother against me like I was the spawn of Satan. This caused me to get hit and insulted every day. He hit me too sometimes. I try to block out the memories of those times because they bring me to tears and into a shaking mess after.

They broke up because he cheated in 2022, but he brought my mom down and she had to build herself up, while he slept with woman and spent HER money.

Now they're back together and everytime I look at him I want to go kill myself or someone to kill him to finally put my suffering away so that I can feel some happiness. I hate him so much I just want to attack him myself. He ruined my life, he ruined the relationship between mine and my mother's. I feel so angry and sad but so empty.