I wish that I could be more fun

My friend and I who both like each other but are working on our own lives first before dating briefly tried out a friends with benefits thing before I learned that I was too depressed to do anything at the moment. It's definitely something that bothers me more than it bothers him, but I still can't stop beating myself up over being too disgusted with myself and my body right now to have any sort of fun. I'm just happy we can still be friends, it'd wreck me even more if this was a deal breaker for our friendship.

I'm just afraid things will always be like this, and that I'll never get out of my comfort zone in order to have any sort of romantic relationship in the future, even though I know sex isn't absolutely required. It's more about the ability to be able to trust someone enough and let myself be completely relaxed than it is about checking off any sort of benchmark for me.