Buying a gun to kill myself

I'm looking to convert a black powder revolver to cartridges in order to kill myself. I have to get around mental health priors that make getting a gun harder. But I found a way. Completely alone, only person I care about not picking up the phone. Job I hate and no prospects for improvement. Aching loneliness all the time. Boredom then misery then a dull sadness as a constant cycle. Hope for a second, of a human connection turns to pain and regret. The only thing that offers any reprieve is the idea of blowing my brains out with hollow points. Instant and painless in contrast to hanging myself, which sounds very painful. I hope things get better, but life has a history of breaking my hopes in two.