My hookup left me saying he has a boyfriend

So, met this guy on Grindr today. He had approached me earlier and I had blocked when he went unresponsive after I had prepped for the occasion. Fast forward few months. He hit me up again, was profoundly sorry about his behaviour and begged me to reconsider. Explained his side of the story and all.

I agreed to meet with him and we finally met. It was going well at first. We obviously were into each other. We got to the foreplay and while that was happening he said he needs to nap. I was taken aback. Because who naps during hookups. But, I am not very confrontational and he was pretty tired. So, I said he can take a nap if that what he wants and got dresses and started looking at my mobile while he slept.

While he was sleeping he pulled me in and asked me to spoon him. I didn’t know what was happening and I cuddled him. Maybe I was desperate too for human touch. Then he slept for 45mins straight. Woke up and initiated the foreplay again. Again things were going good and then he went at the end of the bed and gazed me twice and said that he needs to be honest with me and he has a boyfriend.

I got up and assured him that we can stop and he can leave. Then he proceeded to explain his situation that his boyfriend lives far away and he wasn’t thinking straight and all sorts of reason. I politely said, I acknowledge that, I don’t need an explanation. He then again started explaining that he feels shitty and he should have told me this in the beginning but his horniness got the best out of him. I assured him that again that it doesn’t matter anymore. So, he can be sure that Im not worried.

After he calmed down, he asked if he can take a shower. I agreed to let him use my washroom. Gave him fresh towels. While he was going in, he again asks me if I get tested and do I carry any STIs. I explain him that I do get tested and am negative. Asks for last test date. I give him that information. The final death blow comes next. He asks me to not approach him if I see him in public because his boyfriend is a good guy and he doesn’t want to hurt him.

Obviously all of this is just a bad incident. I could just forget about it. But here is my problem with all of it. I take responsibility of the hookup. I knew the risks of inviting someone to my place. But this whole thing is weighing on me for days now. I think this guy is married to a woman. I saw in his face, he was fighting to put his homosexuality back while he was dressing up. This is a known feeling to me. I was closeted for a long time. I have had hookups where I have had felt guilty in the middle of it and had suffered in silence.

This all brought back old memories that I had forgotten. I come from a conservative background. Not North American conservative. It took a lot of effort and dedication for me to accept myself. I have walked streets of my city until my feet hurt while I was being chased by my mind before accepting myself. It’s a terrible phase of my life. This guy made me remember all of that. I couldn’t be myself for two days straight after this incident. On top of that, Im ashamed that I hadn’t progressed in my personal life and am dependent on hookups for fun.

Sorry, long post. But I felt like sharing.