[Method] Six Steps to Self-Love

(Note: This is a continuation of this previous post)

METHODOLOGY

As we have already discussed, self-love is the most efficient route to everything from true self-discipline to pursuing your dreams, living out your full potential, and living an authentic and fulfilling life. So how do we do it?

This is excruciatingly hard to fit in only one post, but I'll do my best. I'm actually writing a book about this as we speak, so it goes without saying that there is a lot to share! I also want to start a movement around self-love, so stay tuned for that.

With that being said, feel free to ask any questions about what I've written. I didn't have the chance to get into everything as much as I wanted to.

Before we begin, it may help you to create an image of what "unconditional love" looks like in your head. I used two images along my path. First, I had the archetypal image of a mother and newborn child as seen in my OP. Later, I imagined my future self as a parent consoling my future child who was extremely upset because they thought they did something wrong and felt awful. However, instead of being angry at them, I hugged them closely and smiled with tears in my eyes. We were both crying, but for different reasons. While they were crying because of pain and self-despair, I was crying out of love. They were my child and I loved them no matter what. Nothing could ever change this. It's what unconditional means.

Whatever images come for you, go with them. Having them will be a useful tool to use as you move forward - especially once you realize that everyone in your images is you. :)

With that being said, let's begin!

(/u/arrogant_ambassador and /u/obesechicken13, look here)

1) Forgive Yourself

I don't mean that half-bull "forgiveness" two kids give each other after fighting on the playground. I mean complete, full forgiveness for everything you've done in the past. You'll know you've done this when you can stand in front of the mirror, think about the worst things you have ever done, and without any hesitation look at yourself in the eyes and say, "I will always love you."

Go back to your image of unconditional love. Or, think about someone whom you deeply love. How would you act with them if they came to you crying out of despair and regret? Would you immediately cast them aside and walk away, or try to work through it with them from a life of goodness and life? Whatever you would do for them, start doing for yourself today. This is your first challenge.

As /u/maglev_goat pointed out, we're speaking about unconditional self-love and forgiveness. It doesn't matter what was done wrong. Forgiveness was given before the first word was spoken.

As a side note, It really helps to have some outside help during this step. I don't think I would have been able to make it through it without mine, and it saved my life. A lot of grief can come forward during this and it seriously helps to have someone help facilitate the process. If you have a lot to process, I highly recommend going out and getting a hand for this step.

2) Accept Yourself

This means fully accepting every part of yourself and who you are within, and seeing all of these parts as fundamentally good. This, along with the first step, are usually the hardest things for people to do. Why? Because it's alien to us. We punish criminals, why shouldn't I punish myself? (Note: Perhaps this is why our recidivism rate is so high, but that's another discussion for another day. Dept. of Corrections my ass.)

The desire to punish and hurt another human being does not come from a place of love, therefore we cannot it expect it to produce love within. But when you have fully forgiven yourself, you'll automatically start to accept yourself anyway. The two steps aren't as much separate as much as they are two sides of the same larger step, but it's too large to contain in one block alone. Self-acceptance still takes courage and a willingness to treat yourself how you probably never had before. You're learning a new way to live. Give it time.

I feel inspired to remind you that even in the worst circumstances, in the worst people, a piece of good always exists. Our mission isn't to exterminate the bad, but rather to grow the good so large that there's no room for the bad anymore. We're not fighting our inner wolves. We're starving them. See this Zen Pencils comic for more clarification. I have a similar version of this hanging above my desk right now. I can't tell you how impactful this simple tale has been in my life.

3) Know Yourself

You can only do this once you have fully accepted yourself as good and accept whatever you learn about yourself as good. Otherwise, this would be conditional, and you would only find the things in yourself you want to find. That is not true and is not love. Fear tries to control bc it thinks you're weak. Love has faith bc it knows you're stronger than you think.

This is where you dive into questions like: Who am I? What matters most to me? What do I truly want out of my life? Who would I be if I was totally free?

I came up with a free 21-day self-discovery challenge that you can see here. Feel free to check it out and send it to anyone you think it could help!

4) Take Full Responsibility for Your Life

What does a child do when it is afraid? It runs to an adult to fix the situation because it sees itself as weak, vulnerable, and unable to face the world itself. How many of us remain children throughout our lives?

The adult may still feel the same level of fear that the child does. They may even feel it more so. But they still take action in spite of it. For the adult, fear is not a decider of action - it's only a warning light. "Yes, I am afraid right now. Yes, I am shaking and am scared of doing what I'm about to do. But, I love myself, and I know I can handle whatever comes my way. I know I am stronger than I think I am. I know there is no true danger in what I’m about to do. I am afraid, I accept this fear, and I let it pass as I take action in spite of it. And by taking action, I overcome it."

Taking full responsibility for your life gives you the power of the adult. It lets you change your life as you see fit. You are no longer the victim. You are now the creator, and you may create as you wish.

5) Honor Yourself

This is where it all comes together. Now that have been on your journey and truly know yourself, it's time to fully live your truth. Honoring yourself means living an external life that completely mirrors your internal truth within. You have nothing to hide, and you let your full light and potential within shine through. Your self-imposed chains are gone.

Would you hide any part of yourself from the world if you truly loved yourself? No. Hiding is a product of fear, not love. Honoring yourself requires you to be authentic and open, which will likely feel extremely vulnerable and scary. That's normal. I was scared writing this, but that didn't stop me. I knew it's what I would do if I loved myself, so I did it.

Living honestly may change relationships and circumstances around you, but that's ok. Whatever comes new will be born of the seed of self-love, and only good can come from it, even if seems scary or painful at the beginning. But by now you should be ok with that. You're not ruled by your fears. Nor do you look to others for self-validation. You don't need someone in your life telling you you're worth love. You love yourself because you choose to, dammit. And there is no greater act of self-love than truly being your own authentic self. You, at your core, is worth all the love in the world, no matter what you or anyone else thinks. It's only up to you to accept it.

Man I loved typing that. But we're not done yet!

6 "-ish") Nurture and Strengthen Yourself

While the first 5 steps were sequential, this one needs to be done throughout the entire process. Each of us has a body, mind, and spirit. All must be fed and strengthened - for why wouldn't we if we loved ourselves?

I'll go through these quickly.

The body is part of who you are. It is not a tool that is to be abused and discarded, though many of us treat it like that. It is our vessel for experiencing this world and universe. What is more precious than that?! Your body does everything it can for you. Honor it by treating it with the love and respect it deserves.

When we speak about your mind, we mean your focus and perception. Do you focus on the bad or the good? Chances are of every bad thing you can focus on, there's a good one you're ignoring. This isn't being "honest" with yourself - quite the opposite. Our job is to see both the bad and good, acknowledge them both, and actively choose to focus on the good and practicing thoughts out of this place. Good thoughts produce good words and actions, and good words and actions produce a good life.

Spirituality cannot be ignored. If you have an issue with this, I don't know what to say. I'm not harping dogma, I'm telling you what I experienced first hand. I built a personal connection to source/greater whole/divine/whatever, and to be honest, it freaked me the hell out at first. But it quickly became the single greatest thing I did for myself and nothing has changed my life more before or since. I can tell you my spiritual practice if you want, but for brevity's sake let's just say that I connected to the greater whole by connecting within first. I realized each of us have a choice - we can see ourselves as individual drops of water in the sea, or as the sea itself. Both are true, and both can exist without conflict. I don't care how you find spiritual connection, whether it's through prayer, meditation, walking in the woods, painting, running, or looking out at the stars in awe of our vast and amazing universe. Find a daily practice that lets you regularly connect both within and without to the greater whole around you.

*edit for clairity