I feel like I’m back at square one

When I first got diagnosed with HSV-1 I was devastated…I was crying for a an entire week about it thinking I was gonna find absolutely no one. I worked so hard on myself just for it to all fall down and crumble with this stupid virus, but over time, I healed and learned to accept it.

I got my first rejection like a month later after talking to someone new for the first time after the person who gave it to me. I was sad at first and I cried again, but I didn’t really care if he came back or not because I didn’t really vibe with him like I thought at the time but just the thought that he rejected me for this was hurtful. After that, every guy I’ve talked to after, they accepted me and one of them also had it. They all didn’t work out or went too far as getting into relationships because of other reasons. So with all that being said, herpes didn’t feel like a big deal to me anymore. Guys still liked me either way. I was still aware of rejection but I was fortunate to not have that happen to me many times. Literally only once.

Now fast forward, I’ve talked to a wonderful guy I actually saw a clear future with…after more than a month of talking, I disclosed to him earlier than I wanted because he wanted to have sex. He basically rejected me, but was extremely nice an about it. He was unsure of what he wanted with to do with me, he said wanted to pursue me obviously but it was holding him back from doing so. He wasn’t even sure about being just friends. So therefore he stopped talking to me but we’re still following each other on socials. Which is surprising to me considering I’ve heard ppl have been blocked or unfollowed afterwards.

Idk I wish everyday that he would come back but ever since then, it’s been 3 weeks and lately I’ve been feeling like the girl who’s just been diagnosed and laying in her bed crying again. Back at square one. I feel as if I’m gonna miss out on good men because of this stupid condition. I’ve talked to guys I thought I really liked before but this guy was everything to me …at least that’s what I felt. If I could describe any guy who was my type, it would be him for sure. I’m sure I’ll be better soon, but this one really hurts. Like I said, I’ve had a rejection before, but this one cut like a knife.