I just probably ended a healthy friendship by myself
He was my classmate from school. We go to same college but in different class now. I got to know him during college more. I wish I knew him way before, especially in school. After few months of college my mental health started to deteriorate and I kinda overshared everything with him. Because of that he ghosted me and kinda ignored me for bunch of months. It kinda made my mental health even worse. I tried to reach out to him and ask him what happened, apologised but he didn't answer me but after few months he started to talk to me again but it didn't feel like the same as before. Felt like friendship got an irreparable damage and it won't be same as before so I didn't talk to him or contact him like I used to before.
Main thing happened few days ago. I was already in a pretty bad mental state he asked me me for my number so that another older classmate can talk to me. I gave him and we chatted. During talking, that guy sent me my pic outta nowhere and was trynna ask for some pretty sensitive stuffs which I wasn't in mood to talk about. The picture he sent triggered me more cause I have gender dysphoria. So I asked him to tell his friend not to ask me about those topics and send me my own pictures. My mood was so shit that I told some extra stuffs. I was mainly deprecating myself to him and saying stuffs like y'all just saw me as weirdo and apologised for annoying him during those times. I honestly felt like I didn't deserve to be their friends.
But his reply even hit me even more. He said that he was also in a pretty bad mental state and stuff and can't properly tell why he ignored me. He said that he doesn't understand what I'm going through and nor I don't understand what he's going through. He said he never saw me different than others and apologised to me.
After getting this message I felt like a selfish asshole for being a bit mad at him and thinking the friendship was falling apart. At the end I told him that I don't think I'm really a good friend to y'all and apologised to him for everything.
It's mainly my fault and I accept it. It just sucks that I'm a jerk like this. I should had respected his boundaries instead of annoying him during that time. I feel like I'm unable to have any proper friendship with anyone because of my inferiority complex and guilt feeling.