I don’t recognize my husband after being home our baby…
My husband and I have been together for a long time now. He is truly my best friend. He has two kids from a previous relationship and we just had our first together 5weeks ago.
Since having the baby he has become quick to anger and very vulgar. If the baby cries too much, even while I’m holding the baby he’ll lose it. Slam doors and screams and curses up a storm. Then after 20 minutes apologizes for the behavior. But it keeps happening…
I don’t recognize this man. I know he’s got a lot going on mentally right now (as do I) but this scares me for many reasons. 1.) I dont know if he’s struggling really bad with mental health. (He hates going to doctors so trying to get him to one is just not gonna happen.). 2.) If this carries on I don’t want our little one to think that behavior is okay. 3.) idk what it’ll do to our relationship if he continues to act like this as it completely deters me. And then I don’t want to be in his company when he’s acting like that.
On a side note: We were always together prior to having the baby. We started a company together but it hasn’t been profitable and with me not able to work in order to take care of our little one, it’s been super stressful for him. We are SUPER broke and I don’t know how to help. He doesn’t express his feelings much but he has said he feels like a failure as a husband and a father and the fact that he can’t provide. He’s also had some physical pain lately which I’m sure is adding to it. He comes home and complains about the pain. Part of me feels bad for getting annoyed that he’s complaining and the other part of me is like “uhggg just shut up already.”
Since I’ve been home while he finishes up the remaining work we have, I’ve felt super alone. I’m longing to speak with my husband and instead some irritable stranger comes walking in. When my husband isn’t complaining, or freaking out, he’s sleeping. Sleeping in the car when we run to the store for errands, eats and then falls asleep on the couch, then goes to bed and I’m up with the baby all night too while he sleeps. By the time I finally get to sleep and wake up, he’s heading out the door for work.
Idk how to help, but this version of him is very hard to live with. I solely take care of our kids, worry about finances, and much more and now to feel like I have to walk on eggshells when he’s home is just hard. I just don’t know what to do. You’re supposed to feel relieved/ happy when your spouse comes home… but I just feel like “let’s see what we’re in for today and really buckle down to make sure baby isn’t crying too much” which means make sure mostly everything is done prematurely to him coming home. He’s not a bad guy, I can tell he’s going through something but idk how to help and I myself am also juggling all of life’s curve balls. Not having my best friend to work through these struggles with really sucks! Idk when exactly I lost my best friend but it truly feels like I like with a stranger. Anyone got any advice? Preferably helpful advice instead of “just leave.”
tl;dr: husband’s behavior has changed since bringing home our baby. He’s more vulgar and quick to anger. We’ve been together for over 10yrs and I’ve never seen him act like this.