I keep thinking of suicide to run away

Context: I 20M have been failing to get an associates degree for the past two years changing my major every semester. Ive wasted my parents hard earned funds and am not proud of it all. The only pride I’ve found is in my guitar playing for past couple of months so much so that Im planning on applying to lots of music schools just so I can make connections. If that doesn’t work then when I turn 21 in June I plan to drink myself to death. My dad keeps saying I should get a skill, I don’t find pride or joy doing blue collar work since I do some of that over the summer. I can’t find something Im proud of doing as a job other than music and I rather kill myself then end up doing a job that a failure like me has to resort to just because he cant follow instructions to a T. I cant think of anymore solutions to do. What should I do? And if theres nothing can someone please send me something to off myself with