I play poker professionally

Look, I play poker professionally. I’m out here battling the variance gods, putting food on the table, and what do I get in return? My wife saying I’m a “degenerate” just because I disappear for a few hours grinding out the rent money. Sorry, I didn’t realize checking in every 15 minutes was part of GTO strategy.

Yes, sometimes the home games have cocktail girls, but they’re just part of the ecosystem. Do you yell at a marine biologist for swimming with dolphins? No. It’s literally just the lifestyle.

She also claims that I do drugs non stop, I’d like to clarify that I’ve never bought drugs at a home game. I have, on occasion, been offered drugs. You don’t disrespect the host by refusing hospitality. That’s just -EV.

She says she’s “heartbroken and traumatized.” Bro, I’m the one getting rivered every session. She doesn’t know pain until she’s had AA cracked by 72o on your last buy in.

I’ve tried explaining that this is variance, but she doesn’t get it. I’m just out here trying to play optimal poker and now I have to dodge her 3-bets every time I walk through the door. How do I get her to stop tilting over nothing?