38 weeks, 1 day and I'm disappointed in myself

At 37 weeks, I started pumping to possibly get contractions going. I pumped too long on too high of a setting, and the skin came off my nipples. I've been bouncing on a pregnancy ball for several days, for hours at a time. I've done the miles circuit exercises. I've taken long walks. I've masturbated and orgasmed every other night since sex is practically non existent right now. I've ate spicy foods. I've tried the chick fil a milkshakes.

I'm trying everything I can to safely launch myself into labor. I thought with this being my 3rd pregnancy, that I'd of went into labor by now. I went to the OB today and had my first cervical check and I wasn't dilated. Still a fingertip thick and at a -3 station. He told me he wanted to see me back next week and do a recheck and if I still haven't made any progress, to take medication for cervical ripening and induction. I REALLY do not want to be induced, again. I want a spontaneous labor. I want to wake up and have back pain and gaslight myself into thinking they're not contractions. I want my water to rupture on its own. I want to labor at home and then freak out with my husband when we think it's time to go to the hospital. I want to be able to call my mom and tell her I think it's go time so she can watch our other two children. I want all of that excitement. When I had my last induction, I was 37 weeks, 1 day. Starting out, it was okay. But as the day progressed, the contractions were miserable. I had the epidural. My sons heartrate would desat continuously and the nurses would rush in and flip me like a pancake. I was so scared. I begged for a c section, but they refused. I finally gave birth to him after having a tough labor and being on 100% oxygen for all the panic attacks i kept having. It was traumatizing. I'm scared if I do have to be induced, that it'll result in a c section if my body isn't ready to give birth. I know multiple things could result in a c section, not just induction. I've had abdominal surgery twice before. Three 1/2 inch incisions each time. It was brutal to recover from. I couldn't imagine trying to recover from an incision all across your lower belly. And then trying to take care of a newborn, and two other children on top of that.

I don't know.. I'm just scared.