I just found out my father, who sexually abused me as a child, was killed years ago. [M29]

TW Childhood Sexual Abuse

I haven’t seen my family since I was 17. It was when my father kicked me out and I had to manage on my own. Recently my brother got in touch with me. After 12 years. Apparently a few years after I left home, my brother reported my father to the cops, accusing him of sexual abuse. My father was then deported back to Cuba to await prosecution but he was killed before it even got to any trial.

I spent all these years living in a whole different country and yet constantly looking over my shoulder and still fearing for my life when the old man was already long gone.

It’s just something that makes me feel a lot of feelings at once and I don’t even know what’s the right thing to feel.