I'm tired of my life

I have ckd in stage 5. I have to do dialysis at the age of 24. Which means I also have to be on a strict diet.

I can't eat most of the things I loved. Even something simple like pork I'll have to watch out for. I have to limit even a bread.

I don't know how long I can keep going living like this. I was not a picky eater. Now I have to pick everything. It sucks. I eat healthier than most of my friends. I don't smoke. I drink way less often than my friends.

What sucks the most is that when I was a student. I was poor. I didn't get to eat a lot of stuff because it was too expensive for me. I always thought I'll for me to get a job of my own so that I can eat what I wanted. Now that I have a job with decent pay. I can pay what I want to eat. I can't eat them anymore. It hurts me to the core. My enjoyment in life is food. I live in the country highly praised to be one of the best cuisine in the world. And I can't enjoy it.

My father is willing to donate his kidney to me. I'm grateful. But I also scared. What if him donating me a kidney would make him less healthy? What if something happen to him during the surgery. I won't be able to bear that guilt if it happen. And if his blood and mine doesn't match and he can't donate it to me. I'd be devasted.

Within this year, I hope I'd get a transplant. I hope I could eat like a normal person again. There's so many things I haven't tried. And so many things I've missed out on.