when will she choose me, if ever?

i've been registered to donate bone marrow since 2017. every year she reaches out to confirm i'm still committed. and then she ghosts me.

am i not good enough for her? not cool enough? not healthy enough? not je ne sais quoi enough? is she getting stuffed with bone marrow from some turbochad who iced himself on a motorcycle, while i sit here jerking myself off on a Sunday night?

i know i shouldn't invest this much. i know i have value. i have a good job. cool hobbies. plenty of friends. i even donate blood here and there. i could make a kid with leukemia so happy. but still i keep hoping. and i hurt so much.

i don't even know why i'm posting this. it's so pathetic. moaning on reddit about someone who doesn't (and will never) care about you. but i don't know what else to do.

i'm going to kill a fifth alone and go to sleep. goodnight, rs_x.