Vent & Help Request

Salam everyone, I hope everyone is doing well. Im gonna get straight to the whole situation

Ive been born a shia, and raised like one, but never knew the difference between shia and sunni up until 5th grade, I was put in a sunni school due to its strong educational system. my family never told me about sunnis or shias and often took me the masjid/hussainiyah to pray and listen to dua komail/ aashura majalis.

they just told me to put my hand down from my belly like how sunnis do. up until someone in the 5th grade were like youre zayn al abedine. youre shia not muslim dont be friends with us. i got so confused and so sad. fast forward when i moved to 6th grade --> 9th i was put in a shia school and everything thing was so weird. they rcited dua al hujja (atf) every morning and i felt so out of place and so different because i wasnt accustomed to anything "shia" related. they all knew the imams and stories and prayed differently and everything and i was so out of place. i only knew imam ali. i just tried to understand and pick it up from there and went with the flow. the "religion" class was forced upon us like maths and stuff i couldnt learn or understand it and when asked simple (veyr known) questions i got side eyes and "what is he on about"

even as i grew up i never properlly got the concept. i know the imams but i barely know the story of them. i dont smoke or drink or do any major sins . i try to abstain, alhamdullelah i pray and i fast and i try to attend majalis. i want to learn more . iknow the basics but when i pray sometimes idk if im doing it out of habit or what. idk if i feel khoshoo (خشوع) i listen to quran omw home in the morning and wallah i try my best but idk. i really want to get closer to the religion. all my friends know me im religious and abstain from evrything and i am. but i feel so empty and illiterate when it comes to the religion sometimes. i dont want to stay like this. i want to learn more and understand more. and the majority of the religious speakers in the country always try to flip it political for their parties and i dont want that. i just wanna learn and increase my fiqh and khoshoo and iman understand more

idont know what else i can say other than please help i dont want to stay like this