Help me accept my fatness and being ok doing what I need to do to stay sober.

This is day 2 now. I've tried many times to quit. I have realized that hunger is HUGE trigger for me. It registers directly as a craving. If I manage to eat something satisfying it usually kills the craving.

But I'm in this vicious circle of since I'm fat to begin with I try to not eat and then I get triggered and end up caving and drinking. And of course often eating crap food which makes me fatter. It's insane I know. But everytime I think I should eat a good meal I feel like I shouldn't because I'm already fat. Any words on how I can accept this body as is until I get some real sobriety under me?

I also have a DR appt next month and I know he'll mention my 20b weight gain this year :( :(