How to understand tarot

So I’ve been trying tarot for some time but I haven’t learnt what all the cards mean through symbols! Every-time I do tarot I have to search what the card means because I don’t get a “feeling” or some spirit telling me “this n that is happening “ etc! Like a guide next to me!

I can’t look at a card a depict what it means let alone look through the booklet, I have to google search it and see what it means! Is that bad? I want to buy a book about tarot etc but even when friends try ask for a reading I look like an idiot! They end up giving off a doubting vibe and then I can’t understand the cards and the last thing I want to do is assume what’s happening in someone’s life, I could be totally wrong!! Maybe I’m too busy or trying too hard but I struggle with it unless I google it and then it makes sense!

What’s the difference in reading a symbolic card, saying “someone is going to pass or cheat” vs google searching it and getting a different version of what it actually means? I don’t understand it! I don’t have a spirit guide or some angel telling me shit, I just get lost in the cards or try google what it means!