I need serious help

I’m a 15 year old male, and for the past three years, I’ve felt like I don’t even know what to say anymore. I feel so inferior around people. I’m 5’0, and I feel ugly. I don’t have any friends and have never had a girlfriend or even a first kiss. I have suicidal thoughts and probably depression. I never go out, and it’s not by choice I just literally can’t because of family issues (not money-related).

Every day feels the same, whether I’m at school or at home. I’m tired of the days just passing by. I feel like I’m wasting my life. I hate it when people say, “You’re living your best days” NO IM NOT. I can’t handle this anymore.

I get so nervous when I try to talk to people, and I feel stupid. I really try hard to make friends, but I guess they’re just not the right people for me. I try my best every day, focusing on getting good grades, but I end up crying almost daily.

I get so jealous when I see teenagers hanging out in groups, having fun. I wish I could be like them having a friend group, a girlfriend, and being tall. I hate being short. I hate it when people call me “shorty.” It’s so annoying.

I’ve talked to my dad about my suicidal thoughts before, but he doesn’t want to discuss it because it hurts him to hear me struggling like this. I feel like life isn’t for me. I feel like a failure. I just wish I could be happy.