Newly single and now completely understand the passport bros
Im observing what dating in America has turned into after being in a relationship for 3.5 years.
Some facts about me.
Im 30. I make on avg 300k a year. Some years slightly more, some less. Ill be a liquid millionaire in about a year or 2, assuming no radical changes. Im jacked. Im slightly above avg height (5'11), slightly balding/receded hair line around temples (shaved head - note Ive always had a shaved head even as a kid) and have what I would assume to be an avg looking face. Ive been told a lot that I look like a navy seal/mma fighter. Im "good enough" to get easily a date or 2 a week from apps with mid women.
Emphasis on dates. They recently havent been going anywhere. Even if its physically escalated, I noticed recently that mid women from app have so many options that they just ghost even after having sex a few times. Its bizarre and different from the last time I was single years ago.
I find this so interesting because in objective measures, outside of my facial attractiveness (which I dont know how to be objective on), I fall into the 70th to 99th percentile in all of the domains that matter when it comes to dating. Any "work on myself" will move the needle marginally, but nothing signficant. Its diminishing returns at this point. Why its fascinating to me is because I know guys who are avg (thin, making 70k a year, 5'8 etc) and Im like "how the fuck are they ever going to get dates".
Its sad and fascinating at the same time. Its the crumbling of our society. The women who should be going out with them go out with me, and the women I should be going out with go out with "the chads". Thats our economy on dating apps. (note: when I say "I", I mean that I should be objectively going out with 7-8s, because thats about where I rate myself as objectively as I can)
My only solution to this problem is to abandon dating apps or find a wife in a different country. There is a core and fundamental problem with the dating economy in the US, and I have no idea if its fixable at this point.
This isnt coming from "an incel" or a "woman hater". Ive been in a relationship for 7 of the last 10 years. But what I am seeing now is nothing like I have seen before.
Do I outright "deserve" women? No. No one does. But when you take guys like myself, who max themselves out in everything and are actually doing well, and then they still cant have a successful dating life, something is amiss. Its not normal to not have kids and families in your 30s and 40s. Something is fucked.
Who knows, maybe Im dating wrong. Maybe Ive relied on the apps too much since Ive been single, which I probably have. Idk. What I do know is that something isnt quite right here and that if you can find love in a foreign country, get the fuck out of here and go do it.
Edit: Im making one edit here because there is 100 comments on personality. Yes its important. Im not mentioning it because it does not matter in a statistical/objective sense. Im only talking about measurable features and traits. Being "nice" isnt measurable. Having x% bodyfat or y amount of dollars or z SAT score is. Me saying "well Im funny and nice" doesnt matter in relationship to measurable long term trends like men having less sex or dating app statistics. ALL MEN did not just overnight "lose" their personalites
Second edit: There is about 100 comments saying this experience is happening because of my face, lack of hair, not being in shape etc. I’m comparing my experiences recently to that of years ago. My appearance has not changed radically. I basically look the same. Most of the commenters here are insufferable. None of you have any idea about what I look like yet I’ve been called fat, ugly, short (which is interesting given that I actually listed my height). Truly incredible comments
Third edit: there seems to be an idea that this is just a me issue in the comments. Well, here is the data that completely proves the opposite. https://amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/feb/25/young-men-relationships-study-week-in-patriarchy - 63 percent of men are single under 30. Women are no where near that number. Are all men just awful humans or is there something amiss larger culturally in the US?