Has anyone chickened out of their VBAC?

When I first found out I was pregnant again, I was adamant about having a VBAC. In preparation for my first, I took a lot of natural childbirth classes and was so excited and eager to have a natural birth. Then I was induced… long story short, nothing went as planned. Thankfully my daughter got here safely via c-section after 3 days of torturous labor, but I felt completely blindsided and robbed. Honestly, I think I have a lot of unresolved trauma from the experience.

I got pregnant again exactly 18 months postpartum and I immediately starting talking to my doctors about a VBAC. The first two I talked to were super discouraging and cited my “failure to progress” during my induction as a reason I would likely not have a successful VBAC. They also both said I’d have to go into labor naturally by 39 weeks for a VBAC to be possible. Then I got a third opinion and found a much more encouraging doctor at my practice. She said that I am a good candidate for a VBAC and she just encourages her patients to not go over 41 weeks, but ultimately the decision is mine. She also said that I could get induced again if it came to that. Just based on my experience, I will absolutely never get induced again, so we agreed to schedule a c-section at 41 weeks and if I went into labor before that, we would aim for a VBAC.

Now I’m 35+2 and rethinking everything. I’m scared of being in labor again and I’m scared of failing. I’ve been reading a lot of birth stories from successful VBACs and they are honestly scaring me more! (Tearing, bruising, hemorrhoids, cysts, baby’s HR dipping, vacuums and forceps, etc.) As terrible as my 3-day labor was, my baby and I were never in danger and I actually recovered pretty quickly from my c-section. I also just had a scare with my baby not moving and I had a panic attack and told my husband we are getting him out ASAP. (I did a kick count and he passed with flying colors, so we are okay.) I’m just feeling so done with the fear and anticipation. Despite initially wanting a VBAC very badly, I feel very mentally and physically unprepared for childbirth. I was planning on fighting hard for it and now I just want to curl up in a ball and give up.

I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to call my doctor and say “Scratch everything. Let’s schedule a C-section for 39 weeks.” But I don’t know if I’m in the right headspace to make that decision.